Swing Sets: Preventing Sister Rivalry From Reoccuring

Sister rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting that happens between sisters. It is a major concern for almost all parents of two or more girls. Problems often start right after the second girl is born and can continue over the course of a lifetime. Sister squabble can be very frustrating and stressful to parents. Fights over toys, clothes, turns on swing sets and competition for attention can drive a parent insane. There are lots of things parents can do to help their girls get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways.

The Basics:

• Never compare your daughters.
• Don't typecast. Let each girl be who they are. Don't try to pigeonhole or label them.
• Don't play favorites.
• Set your daughters up to cooperate rather than compete. Teach them how to push each other on swing sets rather than compete for the swing.
• Teach your daughters positive ways to get attention from each other.
• Being fair is very important, but it is not the same as being equal. Your girls need to learn that you will do your best to meet each of their unique needs.
• Plan family activities that are fun for everyone like playing on swing sets at the local playground. If your daughters have good experiences together, it acts as a buffer when they come into conflict.
• Make sure each daughter has enough time and space of their own. Girls need chances to do their own thing, play with their own friends without their sister, and they need to have their space and property protected.
• Listen-really listen-to how each daughter feels about what's going on in the family. They may not be so demanding if they know you at least care how they feel.
• Celebrate your daughter's differences.
• Let each girl know they are special-just for whom they are.

Resolving conflicts:

Help your daughters develop the skills to work out their conflicts on their own. Teach them how to compromise, respect one another, divide things fairly, etc. Give them the tools, and then express your confidence that they can work it out, by telling them, "I'm sure you two can figure out a solution." Don't get drawn in. Don't yell or lecture. It won't help. It doesn't matter "who started it," because it takes two to make a quarrel. Hold sisters equally responsible when ground rules get broken.

Sisters are going to argue. There will be fights over turns on swing sets, who's wearing what and just about anything you can think of. But if you teach them the skills to revolve issues and learn to work as a family, sisterhood can be the best gift you can give your daughters.